Charientism is defined as an insult veiled in grace. I started thinking about this concept after reading a friends FB post status that read:
This was hilarious yet so true for oh so many. Let's talk about how we use charientism to validate ourselves by invalidating others. Have you ever received a backhanded compliment from a 'friend'? People who do this tend to also have passive aggressive personalities. I am not quite sure where this stems from but we as humans display this characteristic in more ways than one.
All too often I have read on various social sites banter back n forth with one person validating their own opinion and choices by way of invalidating and insulting another. "The I'm right and you're wrong mentality", doesn't that way of thinking belong in Pre-K? Choice is everybody's right, not a right just reserved for those who make the same choices as us but sometimes we feel as though our choices are the right ones and everyone else are idiots for not thinking so. This problem certainly rears its ugly head among both genders, but I find it's especially prevalent among women. I don't think the problem is new because of the internet, but the anonymity of the internet certainly makes it easier to do. I recently did a vlog about YT haters and the same goes for people on sites like FB. When certain people are behind the guise of the computer they feel empowered enough to lash out with negativity towards others regarding their choices in life that don't even affect them whatsoever. Why is that? Do we really have the right and freedom to speak as we so wish?
It plays out in a variety of ways with women too. For example sometimes women who choose to stay at home are bashed by mothers who have to work and vice versa. Some stay at home mothers think it is the obligation of ALL mothers to raise their child themselves and those that choose not to or have to work often defend themselves because of their children being in daycare or being reared by nanny's.
If you decide to wear makeup and fix yourself up you are defending yourself against women who think you're doing too much and vice versa.
If you decide to marry young you get backlash from those who view this as too early and who think you not being ready for what life has to bring at such a young age.
If you wait to marry and have children you are often questioned by those asking when are you going to settle down and have kids. And don't even get me started on what you'll hear if you don't want to get married or have children at all.
If you choose to have children outside of marriage or are a single mother, you are defending yourself against women who think you should have made better choices or that all children deserve a two parent household.
People often become defensive in their choices because others insist on being judgmental. I have to ask are there really any non judgmental people on the planet though?
The moral of the story is, the choices that everybody else makes are their business, and theirs alone. Who are we to tell complete strangers or even friends/family members how to live their lives especially if their choices do not impact our lives? Sure you can state your opinion on a matter but at the end of the day what purpose does it really serve and most of all where does your opinion stem from? So the next time you catch yourself saying or typing something that bashes another individual's choices for their own life - ask yourself whether you're really being constructive, or just trying to validate yourself at their expense?
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