Beauty has become a bit fuzzy.
reality always a faded question mark
blending in with the colors of the skies
Lately, I know I have been posting a lot of random love artifacts and works of art. But, I have just been thoroughly and kind of, obssessively contemplating and searching for an answer as to whether or not, or to what extent exactly, love means. I have been known to call love an isolating facade at times but, I think that my source of pain, despair, and even, hate are all results love. Because in all actuality, hate and strong feelings in general, are brought about by the onset of love. You cannot truly and whole heartedly hate someone without there being strong emotion or positive feelings about the person because otherwise, there would be no contrast to prove the existence of either of the two. It's trick, because I think that love is far too universal and ambiguous to fully and justifiably define or exemplify.
I have also been pondering whether or not love has an expiration date. When does the "in love," rot into a mere "loving," someone. Is there a difference? Is being in love just a lustful, naive surge of hormones and chemicals that con us into believing in the longevity, reality, and power of these feelings?
I can remember the precise and precious moments where I fell in love with someone like they were just yesterday. As I recall, I felt the most intense bliss as if I were like floating or something. Everything was beauty. Colors were more vibrant. Sleeping and eating wasn't really necessary because I was so fullfilled with these exploding amounts of lust or love, whatever that I simply didn't notice any uncomfortable displeasures.
Lastly, I wonder if the communication barriers, and of course the biological, emotional, and obvious physical difference between males and females are great and contradictory enough to facilitate a breakup or at least many issues that couples share in relationships. Males and Females were clearly created, by whomever it was, to be complimentary members of life and to balance out the other sex. Which is assumably why, there are so many frustrating differences and grey areas that make it seemingly impossible to understand the other sex. Communication, as I know too well, is very important in relationships. If you call to much they're over it, if you call too little they think you don't care. There are too many games that the media suggests we play in order to win this never ending love game. But what exactly is the prize?
Hiding one's feelings?
Pretending to be someone we're not?
Collectively cultivating our emotions inside until we inevitably burst and freak out on one another?
I mean, you only live once. There is nothing to lose really, except for your pride, and this game I suppose. But, maintaining one's pride all the time when it comes to the most instinctual and intense feeling (or state of being) is impossible if one wants to also, be happy or maintain any kind of sanity at all, what so ever.
I guess I am just frustrated because, I still after nine teen years on the earth have no clue how to understand guys and it is leaving me feeling very alone.
*Lost in Translation*
...and in my imagination
Almost.
star crossed lovers
like the two missing puzzle pieces
you need to finally make sense out of
the scattered pieces of life as a whole.
Like a dream I can never remember, and a nightmare i can never forget
except when we are driving together
at night, right before we miss the exit heading southbound
because we were listening to the music (too loud), and you played a song
that tell you that i love you, for me, because i didn't know how
and because, no matter how lost we are, i am home when you are around
with fuzzy reception, did the call go through, you don't respond.
and like the lonely traces of dirt
that you once, with your heart, drew on my car
remind me how much we connect to make sense
but the pieces are lost somewhere in the backseat, too fast, too far.
-MM
feb 2
mirrors
lifeless, mockery of reality
tears falling down, face to face, shine with misery
truth will soon, be calling.
you are who you see and you are, forever
falling.
blinded eyes in the back your mind
speckles of shattered glass delayed the ticking clock, at last.
because there will be no light, where there was never even time.
reflections fade too fast.
-MM
watch it melt.
i wish that i could run away,
away from the dark night,
and unite with the pink sky and sing with the sunset,
before she dies along the charcoal sky dripping with saddened stars
to scare away the storm and his melting bullets drenching us with memories i cannot forget
cursing away the deceptive dream filled clouds whose foreign blue, left only black scars
want to just escape with the sun, watch it melt into the sea doubt,
and I'd jump right before we fall
and I'd make it to the light before darkness tyrannizes the color before love's drought.
take me to the night again where are names are written in the clouds
let me see it just once more before it drops and crumbles
back into misery's cold abyss
of everlasting nothingness.
Just remind me to go down with sun
for in luminated darkness
I am defenseless to that familiar tide as you suck me back into to where this once begun
once again.
-MM
feb 2
Inspired by:
-mirrors
-fog
-coney island baby-loud reed
-rain in southern california
-i found a reason-cat power
-that person
-confusion (clouds, fog)
-charchol, dusty/greyish blue, bright pink
-bukowski, creely, and robert, bly
-Lost in Translation and Breakfast at Tiffany's
-Winnona Ryder
-Lua-Bright Eyes
-what love is
-light vs. dark
-shadow
-fake vs. real lighting
-reality vs. dream
-gender studies
-our way to fall-Yo La Tengo
-white, drapey shirts and jeans
-the words "free," "air," "endless,"
-eating wendy's in my car
-doing brave things to be a better and stronger person.
that simple
