Well I have been doing pretty well after this whole break up thing...but for some odd reason, tonight, although i went out wih friends and very cute guys, i feel very lonely and am thinking about him more. I am so hurt..wasn't much closure, I suppose.
So I have been listening to M Ward and reading some more soppy poetry.
One of my favorites is this one...by Matthew Arnold. My favorite poem of is the "The Burried Life." "Dover Beach" is good as well. But I love this poem about love. The side that isn't glamorized and is far more real. The pain and feeling of loss and the feeling of not knowing what to do with yourself because you are so lost in your own mind over someone.
Isolation: To Marguerite
We were apart; yet, day by day,
I bade my heart more constant be.
I bade it keep the world away,
And grow a home for only thee;
Nor fear'd but thy love likewise grew,
Like mine, each day, more tried, more true.
The fault was grave! I might have known,
What far too soon, alas! I learn'd--
The heart can bind itself alone,
And faith may oft be unreturn'd.
Self-sway'd our feelings ebb and swell--
Thou lov'st no more;--Farewell! Farewell!
Farewell!--and thou, thou lonely heart,
Which never yet without remorse
Even for a moment didst depart
From thy remote and spher{`e}d course
To haunt the place where passions reign--
Back to thy solitude again!
Back! with the conscious thrill of shame
Which Luna felt, that summer-night,
Flash through her pure immortal frame,
When she forsook the starry height
To hang over Endymion's sleep
Upon the pine-grown Latmian steep.
Yet she, chaste queen, had never proved
How vain a thing is mortal love,
Wandering in Heaven, far removed.
But thou hast long had place to prove
This truth--to prove, and make thine own:
'Thou hast been, shalt be, art, alone.'
Or, if not quite alone, yet they
Which touch thee are unmating things--
Ocean and clouds and night and day;
Lorn autumns and triumphant springs;
And life, and others' joy and pain,
And love, if love, of happier men.
Of happier men--for they, at least,
Have dream'd two human hearts might blend
In one, and were through faith released
From isolation without end
Prolong'd; nor knew, although not less
Alone than thou, their loneliness.
Kind of helped me to say...Goodbye and realize that I am going to feel like this I suppose for a little while.
I guess the bright side is that now I can activly continue my pursuit for Andy Samberg <3
so ...Goodbye...
i guess
