Have you ever met or dated a guy that was afraid of commitment? Well now you know that he may not be just a jerk but suffers from Philophobia :0) Don't you just love whomever created such a word? A fear of commitment is an ailment now? Welcome to the 21st century ladies.
I was thinking about fear when it comes to relationships as a male contacted me recently inquiring about engagement rings and in the same sentence stated that his feet were getting colder and colder as his girlfriend puts on the full court press(ure) for a proposal. Now I don't know about you but it sounds to me like he is not yet ready and her insisting on getting a ring is not going to change his mind. To me if you have to pressure a man into marrying you or giving you a commitment then they don't want to. Right? Otherwise he would be leaping great boundaries to make it official. Not having money for the ring you 'deserve' is an excuse, he can buy you a simple and plain band until he can afford a nicer one of your liking. Not having money for a big wedding is an excuse, you can go to the courthouse and have the ceremony later when money permits. Him not being at a certain point in his career is not a valid reason, it is a scapegoat. Ladies require what you desire and stick to your boundaries. If you want to get married let him know upfront. After dating awhile ask him if he's 'buying' because you don't have time for a test drive. Men know early on in the relationship if you are the one, don't be fooled into believing otherwise. If the light bulb hasn't gone off for him alerting him that she is divinely sent then please keep it moving. Believe me I had to sit a man down and ask him myself after years of trial and error, needless to say I kept it moving ;) and I'm SO happy and blessed that I did.
Now please don't misconstrue this to mean just because he does not want to marry you he is a jerk, that is not what I'm trying to convey. He is ONLY a jerk if he KNOWS full well that he has no intention of moving further with you yet he continues to hold you back from being with another with lies and deception through false promises. Please also know that if this occurs do not mourn feeling that you are not good enough for him. Each person is destined to be in a great relationship if that is what they desire, why would you want to be with someone who didn't think you were that special someone? It should be mutual, don't you agree?
After you end one relationship it is also time to have relationship with yourself. Take time out to get to know yourself again as when in relationship with another we give apart of ourselves to that person so this time is needed to make yourself whole again. This is also time to do self reflection and assess what YOU did in the relationship that you would love not to do again. This is not meant to be vindictive and vengeful towards the next deserving guy just mental notes on how to improve yourself as a potential womanfriend and wife. By the way I hate the fact that we as grown women call our men 'boyfriends', if he is your man I think you should refer to him as such :0) but that's just me.
Here are some tips on how to get your groove back:
Practice meditation, burn your favorite scented candles or incense in a quiet room, sit on the floor centered with your back up straight and your legs crossed in the Indian style position, practice slowly breathing until your entire body and mind is at rest. Sit peacefully letting whatever thoughts flow through your mind. You may get a boost of creativity doing this as well. Try and do this once a week when you have free time to yourself, use this time to purge all the negativity experienced and refill your spirit with positive vibes.
Practice the art of Play! Spend 30 mins a week doing something you loved as a child whether it be drawing, painting, creating music, dance, running, playing boardgames whatever. Play makes you enthused and happy which will run its course in other areas of your life.
Take the time to make yourself up. You don't necessarily have to wear makeup, expensive clothes, or even buy anything new. Simply allot ample time to do your hair to your liking, cleanse your skin, paint your nails and polish your smile. For me this time spend pampering myself is most cherished. I usually spend time on the weekends trying out new eyeshadow combinations and recently taught myself how to paint art designs on my nails like a pro :0)
Take a trip to the bookstore, it's free with Internet access and lots of great books. I am always taken aback when in the bookstore or library as it reminds me of how little I do know. You may want to some time in the cooking section, self help, sex/romance and magazine aisles, those are the ones I enjoy most and speak to me as the woman I am today.
Hope you lovelies are off to a fabulous start this weekend. Take care,
Lipstick Diva,
