Mixed Blessings

This weekend while surfing on youtube I watched a few Husband TAG videos and to my surprise most of the ones I came across were of mixed race couples. I love the fact that there are so many open minded and in love couples out there willing to share their marriage with YT.

How do you feel about interracial dating or marriage?

Are you open to it?

Live in Girlfriends are unhappier than Married Women (STUDY)

Unmarried women who live with men are unhappier than married women because society "disapproves" of their behaviour, according to a sociological study.

Here is what the report suggests.

The study of 22,000 people from around the world found that British women who cohabited with men before they were married were slightly unhappier than married women, and that the most likely reason was because they had "violated" normal behaviour and had to endure disapproving glances.

The researchers also claimed that one of the possible reasons they were unhappy was because they were "pitied" for failing to persuade their man down the aisle, and they had low self-esteem.

Countries with a strong, traditional view of marriages, such as America, Bulgaria, Brazil and Mexico were places where the correlation between cohabiting and unhappiness was strongest. 

Do you agree with their findings? 





There are quite a handful of women who do not wish to get married at all. What about them? Just because you are a live in girlfriend is no reason to make you less happy than a married woman, after all, not all married women are happily so. Right? Sure you got him to put  a ring on it but ever since the honeymoon came and went you two hardly ever have sex, the kids take up all your time and you stopped looking at each other in 'that' way a long time ago but you're married so that counts for something lol Some of these so called studies baffle me where do they come up with this stuff? Do they simply pull it out of thin air?





I know the pressures of society, family and friends can be enough to make you depressed but come on I refuse to believe these statistics. In fact I know a lot of single women, maybe even living with their men, that seem perfectly happy. I also know a lot of single women living alone hoping to find a man to marry and whether that will include shacking up or not is up for debate. Overall, you make yourself happy not someone else. Just my 2 cents!









Speaking of live in's are there certain 'rights' you have like in a common law when living together? 





What about shacking up? Would you be opposed to living together before the ring to see if you even want to walk down the aisle together or do you think you can do your due diligence without living in the same quarters? What if you put a time limit on the shacking like per se 6 months and you either 'Shit of get off the can' as my Aunt says! lol

Coco and Ice T give Relationship Advice

Who said Coco didn't have talent? In case you were wondering how she keeps her man so happy other than doing tricks like this watch their relationship advice video below. Remember all the big uproar that came out of her telling women how to keep their man?

How do I keep a man? Well, I can only speak from experience because I’m not a doctor, just a woman that knows what she wants. To lay out my history with Ice, we have been married for 8 years and still going strong. We met in California on a movie set and have been inseparable ever since. Now we live in NY and at the moment we don’t have any kids together. Everybody says relationships get boring, but it doesn’t have to be that way, its entirely up to the both of you. As for me, I totally remember the feeling when I first fell in love with Ice.

The conversations, the kissing, the touching, the joking, the politeness, the feeling of always wanting to be near each other. Take that reminiscing and apply it to where your relationship is now. It is important to rekindle the moments.

I always like our “Date Nights”. Always set aside a day out of each week and do something fun together and then end the night in love making or just plain HOT SEX! Ice and I also like Sundays, that’s our “Movie Night” where I get cute for him and he appreciates the effort (men do notice..they’re just not always verbal).

Ice and I work all day together on the set of his show “Law and Order”, because I have an office there. But as soon as we get home, I’ll change into a skimpy outfit like booty shorts and heels because it changes the mood from being business oriented. LADIES & GENTLEMEN…the most IMPORTANT advice I can give is to make sure you listen to one another!!!!! TALK A LOT!! I think the reason that Ice and I have made it in the celebrity world for so long is because we constantly communicate. Remember, relationships will always have those bad moments and it won’t be rosy all the time. You have to be strong for one another and don’t chicken out when you come to a bump in the road.

It may seem a little old fashioned but here are some pointers that you can do to cater to your man:

Make him a cold drink

Cook him his favorite food

Give him a body rub

Dress in his favorite outfit or item

Draw him a bath

Watch all his favorite shows for a night

Play video games with him

And finally, kiss or lick his feet. Hehe- LOL. – very optional

Until my next thought….

Love,

Coco

Last Night

I am such a huge fan of Chelsea Lately. Eva Mendes says she is NOT a fan of marriage. I've never heard a woman voice her opinion against marriage in such a way and found it very interesting. Are there any readers out there that agree with her in that marriage is 'old fashion' and that you don't need to be married in order to be happily involved in a long term commitment? The happiest couple I know, well besides me, lol is my Aunt Deb and her boyfriend. They've been together for over 10 years and are as happy as a lark, super cute couple and always laughing. I can see that for them marriage is not the key to life's happiness or else they would have exchanged vows. I definitely feel it is not the road to be traveled for all though and you should definitely KNOW this beforehand because after all it was meant to be a lifetime commitment.













What are your thoughts on marriage ladies & gents?

Marry your Baby Daddy Day

Turning moms and dads into husbands and wives one household at a time...

OK so when I first saw this book cover I thought it was a joke but by no means is it one, this is a real novel written in an effort to get more African American's hitched. Statistics state that 72% of black mothers are unwed.  Put another way, 72% of black babies are born out of wedlock.  Stated differently again, only 28% of black babies are born to families in which the father and mother are actually married. 

Now one might argue that just because a couple got pregnant doesn't mean they ought to be married but I tend to say well why not? This is especially my sentiment if the two believe in marriage and hope to wed one day. Isn't raising a child together just as much of a commitment as a marriage? 

Maryann Reid came up with the idea of "Marry your Baby Daddy Day" after her own wedding got called off. 

"I was left at the altar, actually…that experience was dramatic, and I felt that somehow I had to get out [of] a funk," said Reid. She figured that instead of dwelling on her own problems, she should take action. "Why don't I help other people get married?" she said.

"There is no stigma anymore in the black community about having a child out of wedlock," said Reid, which led to the creation of Marry Your Baby Daddy Day. For those who don't know, Reid explains that "a Baby Daddy is simply…an unmarried father. But they've become caricatures in the ghetto."

Reid said, "Enough of that! Enough of upholding this 'baby daddy' and 'baby momma' as the norm. I am really just fed up with…the decline of marriage in the black community…It's about bring black love back in style. And that's what I want to do." 

The first marital ceremony took place back in 2005 where Reid got vendors to donate their services for bridal gowns, flowers etc to give a wedding to 10 couples on "Marry your Baby Daddy Day." So far, more than a thousand couples with kids have applied to be part of the next wedding. Reid has culled the list to 50 couples, all of whom she is currently interviewing. To be selected, you must have children, be responsible and convince Reid that you love each other and stand a good chance at staying together for life.



I think her idea and concept is phenomenal especially for loving and willing couples who want to get married but for whatever reason they have not yet. If you are interested or know someone who may be visit her site at http://www.marryyourbabydaddy.com

What do you ladies and gents think about this?

Unemployed & Dating

Studies have shown that unemployment is still at an all time high and with so many people unemployed or under-employed how does one that is also single navigate the already treacherous waters of dating?

The number of college-educated men unemployed for at least a year is five times higher today than after the dotcom bubble. In New York City, men in the 35-to-54 kill zone have lost jobs faster than any other group, including teenage girls, according to new data from the Fiscal Policy Institute.

I propose the question "If you are a single & employed woman would you turn down a man if he was unemployed?"





Here's my take on it. If I were single and approached by a man I'd consider dating upon first meeting and later found out on our first or second date that he was unemployed I would not automatically rule him out and here's why.



Becoming unemployed by way of lay off or other circumstances beyond your own control is just that, something you could not avoid or alter therefore making it an inevitable factor. If you are in the getting to know you stage this could be a great opportunity to see how the person handles pressure, to see if he is a go getter and also get to know him at perhaps one of his lowest points. I have been unemployed by way of lay off and in fact my fiance' was laid off the very next month after me while we were dating so I can tell you that rough times definitely show a person's character. Some say that if you can get through the tough times together without killing each other it is safe to say you are in it for the long haul. Some people can not handle pressure and break at the first sign of trouble and you most certainly will learn his character during a bout with unemployment.



Then the issue of finances and who pays for what might be lingering in your mind. Well honestly speaking, unemployment doesn't pay much so I wouldn't expect a date at Ruth's Chris but in all actuality it's the person you want to get to know right, the food is just a third party to your date so what does the fancy smancy stuff really matter?



You also might be thinking, "If you are unemployed, you shouldn't be dating!" but why not? Is that irresponsible to approach a woman he is genuinely interested in and I'm not just talking sexually, just because he is laid off?



Unemployment might also lead to more residential dating, how do you feel about that one? Besides the common concerns of safety and perhaps the religious concerns of sexual temptation while being in the home, what other drawbacks might you find there to be with residential dating on a budget?



Would you feel obligated to 'help a brother out' if he were unemployed? Speaking of, this could be a great opportunity for you to help him discover some other avenues to earn cash. Perhaps he is crafty and can do odd jobs around the home. If he has a truck he can earn money helping others haul or move their belongings. If he is good with numbers he could train to do taxes during the season. He may have an old love for art that could earn him money now that he has the time.....



Lastly, is there a double standard when it comes to this with men v. women? Would an unemployed woman be looked down upon for actively pursuing, participating or engaging in dates while unemployed?



Let's chat ladies & gents, feel free to chime in with your thoughts ;0)

Let's Talk about Family

In the spirit of Mother's Day let's talk about family. I know a lot of people that hold the sentiment that 'blood is thicker than water' when it comes to their relatives. People will kill a n*cca over their kin and others who feel the complete opposite way about their family, even hating the one that gave them life. Where does this notion stem from? Is the love and respect given as a birth right due to blood relation or is it earned? Is this something that is instilled in you from the elders of your family or is your notion on family self taught? 

I've always heard, you only get one family and should love them no matter what, but often times I feel that some of my girlfriends are closer to me and know me even better than my siblings. Ever since living out of my home state I have developed a family base/sisterhood outside of my own family. To me the term family can far outreach the boundaries of bloodline and is more in relation to how people make you feel, how they treat you and if they are there for you when the chips are down. You are supposed to be able to depend on your family members, to be able to confide in them, to rely on them, and find support in them. There are many of you who have been all these things and more to your kin folk and others who have been the complete opposite. Often times the people that hurt us most are those of close relation, people we've trusted, entertained in our homes and confided in and they in turn use that closeness to ruin relationships and sometimes lives. Those Maury shows of women sleeping with their sisters' husbands are real life stories for some. The movie Precious showcasing the terribly dysfunctional & incestuous relationship between daughter and mother is real life for some. Tyler Perry's heartbreaking story of the abuse endured at the hands of his own father is real life for some. There are mothers who let their children be abused by their boyfriends all because they want to keep that man around. Do these people deserve love and respect after such instances just because they are blood related?

Every family has their issues and secrets of hurt & pain but is blood really thicker than water? Do you believe that you should forgive and forget no matter how heinous the act? My aunt recently shared with me a story of how she encouraged her man to forgive his mother for being quite unfit as a parent while he was growing up. He managed to turn the tables around, forgive his past hurts and actively love his mother despite her not being there for him. His act of forgiveness is quite commendable and I'm sure God is smiling down on him for being such a loving person but what if he never did forgive her? Would he be in the wrong? 

I personally have a very hard time forgiving people especially when they pretend that they have done no wrong. I have been on a very long journey of forgiving a family member for a past hurt and I know how hard it is to just let go and let God. I just can't bring myself to pretend like everything is all good when the person doesn't have the decency to apologize. I moreso just forget the event and put it behind me. Out of sight, out of mind is what I always say. When a person at fault fails to apologize for their wrong doings, there is a certain level of respect that is lost in the process. Forgiveness is one of the easiest yet hardest things to do in relationship with people, especially when it comes to family. 

What are your thoughts on the subject? Do you love your family members til death do you part? Is blood thicker than water for you or do you have some estranged relationships with your family members?

Is there a difference?

source

I don't know about you but I've often heard the myth that there is a huge difference between the dating experience men have with black & white women. Now I can agree that there may be some differences in personality, custom, likes, dislikes etc but that has to do with the person as a whole not their skin color. Right? Is this an excuse we've been hearing all this time for black men to date outside their race or is there some truth to the rumor? I have never personally dated a white man before but I have dated a Puerto Rican, Ghanaian, and Dominican and there were no differences between the three that made me say this culture of man is better than the other in any regard, not even sexually. The biggest 'difference' I've heard, especially from comedian stand ups, is that white women will do anything in bed for their man and black women are less likely to be exhibitionists and in turn explore new avenues of pleasure. Is there actual research, data and statistics on this lol because to me this is purely Bull ish!

How did this ideal even come about? Any men out there care to share their experiences?

Love is in the Air ♥

 

This picture reminds me of when I first met my fiance'. I was daydreaming all day at work, emailing and texting like crazy and just over the moon about him. I couldn't wait to get off work to see him, pick a movie, meet up at the gym, go on a walk or even just cruise the city. I used to sit at my desk with my ipod blaring Trey Songz, listening to love songs and very much in my own world. I can't wait to jump the broom, there is almost less than 100 days away til the big day ♥

Love is definitely in the air here in GA too because couples have been awfully busy this past winter lol I keep running into pregnant women left and right. They look so beautiful with their glowing skin and their little baby bumps out and proud. I also see a lot more seemingly chipper women sporting their Spring dresses and stilettos, maybe they have a hot date after work or are going to mingle on a restaurant patio. Does Spring make you feel more loving too?

After I Do Rules

I recently made a YT video where I asked the questions "Why do people gain 15 lbs after they're married?" and "Why do you think things change once married?". The second question directly correlates to this morning's radio run down of Ten Things Kate can't do once she marries Prince William. To read the full article click here

1. Be referred to as 'Kate'

2. Vote

3. Run for political office

4. Escape the scrutiny

5. Play Monopoly

6. Say or do anything controversial

7. Eat shellfish

8. Work

9. Sign anything unofficial

10. Finish her dinner

 

Now while some of these items listed seem quite absurd, they do play a very important role in the Royal family. So with that said would you have a list of things your husband or wife couldn't do after you've exchanged vows? I tend to think that the dynamics of the relationship would more or less remain the same as while you were engaged but you may think otherwise.

 

A caller did dial in to say her husband could no longer attend Eggs & Legs, a breakfast at the strip club soiree with his boys!  I still can't understand why people eat food while there are naked folks walking around. That just doesn't seem sanitary to me but anyway back to the question at hand. What would you put on your Honey Not To Do list?

How'd you Meet?

 

This weekend in between laughs, I asked my Uncle Toni how he met my Aunt. I recall meeting him way back when in the Bronx but only vaguely. We lived in the same complex too, shout out to Concourse Village East side! Anyway he said 'Your aunt always walked past the laundrymat (that was the hang out spot for guys) and she wore these black sheer stockings with a red coat, I was sold! lol That is the cutest thing! I remembering hearing my dad state how my mom had the best legs in Harlem and that is what got him hooked. I love hearing from couples how they met and what the main attraction was. Don't you? 

I met my fiance' at LA Fitness. One day he asked for a moment of my time while I was awaiting my kickboxing class to start. We chatted afterwards and he asked if I was single, unfortunately I wasn't but I was unhappily so and had to let him go. The universe must have wanted us together because ever since I would always see him out and about in the community at the gas station, at the gym, at the bookstore. I kept running in to him so I decided it was fate. I ended up breaking up with my then boyfriend and after some time of careful observation, because I wanted to make sure he wasn't one of those guys that hits on every girl at the gym, I gave him my number. 

At first I thought the scales would be unbalanced with me the female, giving the male my number and if I listened to those silly relationship articles I'd be stuck thinking and dreaming about a man riding on his white horse in a tuxedo to sweep me off my feet. In all actuality he did approach me first and had I been single then the cards would have been as 'they' say they should be; man seeks woman and seals the deal. 

The morale of the story is sure every girl likes romance but the fact of the matter is, there is a lot of competition out there so if you see someone you like, go for it because I assure you the next woman will ♥

Cuffin' Season is Ova

Spring is here! So with that said ladies will be greased up with baby oils sporting spaghetti strap dresses, high heel stilettos, back out, legs out, uber slinky club wear and all in an effort to get noticed by Mr. Right, Mr. Right Now or Mr. That Nicca will do! lol Don't forget to wrap it up!

Madness is Genius

http://bitchiebizarre.blogspot.com

I had a wonderful time hanging out with my Aunt Deb and her wonderfully mad boyfriend Toni this weekend. This guy really needs his own reality show, 'Talking with Toni, you never know what he is going to say next!' I haven't laughed that much in a very long time. Everything out his mouth is utterly ridiculous, insane in the membrane and refreshingly funny. He is hysterical and I adore that he makes my Aunt happy. There is nothing like a man that can make you laugh with his charm and genuine personality. I can't wait to go visit them on his territory to see him in action with all his arsenal. Over dinner last night they each gave us a few words of encouragement and inspiration regarding relationships. Now while they are not technically married, I have no idea why, they have been together for 12 years strong. My Aunt reminded me that there will be ups and downs but "Life is about having fun!" They sure do look like they are having a ball too, both retired, youthful spirits and wake up everyday at 6AM just to have fun! 

Cheers to you two kids, they seemed to have mastered the art of relationship 

I pray that my life married to my fiance' is full of laughs, love & happiness as well. 

Rock the Boat

Just yesterday I was laughing with my friend mini about the term "Ratchet!" because I read the blog, Black Girls are Easy, quite often and he uses this word like the word 'the'. I don't know who coined that term but it is the funniest word written and spoken I've seen in a long time. It just cracks me UP! Big time. Anywhoo it's Friday and the weekend is upon us. For those of you ladies planning on a sexy rendezvous weekend make sure to strap up ♥ I'm not a fan of birth control for myself, I'd much rather rely on condoms but that's just me.

This Durex Safe Sex add is pretty cool huh ☺

Men are Expected to Cheat

 Apparently the fine chocolate drop every lady loves, Tyrese, stated on the Wendy Williams show, that "Men are Expected to Cheat!" Now at first hearing this makes me say "Negro please!" but truthfully they are, right? We all have heard it before "Boys will be Boys" but I tend to think that's only because there are no real grown ass men teaching them the proper way to move through the crowd. There are a lot of followers out here and not enough leaders. Imagine if it was cool to be monogamous and love your one and only lady. Imagine if Jay Z made a rap song about how happy he is to be married and that getting married and being faithful was the best thing he has ever done. Don't you think all the boys would follow suit sooner or later? I mean that brother has some word power and great influence on young men, after all he got men out of wearing stupid basketball jerseys' and into a more polished look of blazers, button ups, jeans and hard bottom shoes.



What do you think ladies? Do you expect your man to cheat, is that always a lingering thought in the back of your mind whenever you are apart? Personally I don't expect my man to cheat. I DO expect him to be faithful, be where he says he is going and with whom he says he will be with. I do expect that he will take our marriage seriously and be faithful until death do us part. I DO also expect that if he sees a beautiful woman for him to look or glance whether we are together or not. Just because you get married or become involved doesn't mean you become blinded to beauty. It's called WILL POWER though and should be exercised with caution & the utmost care. You have to willingly want to be in a relationship first of all in order to remain committed. I wonder what he will really tell his daughter when and if she ever gets cheated on.

On another note, have you read his book "How to get out of your own way?" I think I may thumb through it next time I'm at Barnes & Nobles.

Let the wife hunt begin

I've been wondering if "The wife hunt" is as daunting a task for men as it is for women. Here in Atlanta the ratio of women to men is astronomical. There is no doubt that unless you are in a strip club or some male sports bar, you will be outnumbered at least 20 to 1 female to male. For the single gal in the metro Atlanta dating scene, finding a guy can seem like a never ending task of picking a needle out of a hay stack. Some say that you never find anyone when you are looking and that once you stop looking, one is sure to come. I agree with that to some extent but I'd like to clarify. The process of 'not looking' is more of a self reflection period, when looking within instead of outward for your happiness. Once you become so engrossed with finding yourself and bringing your life full circle others will begin to see and become attracted to that which radiates from within.



Women often worry about their age and marital status, as somehow it has become ingrained in our heads that men only want women under 30. Do men feel a rush to the altar after reaching a certain age like we do? Speaking of men, perhaps you find yourself in your late 20s and many of your friends are married. You go to wedding after wedding and, of course, your friends' wives come up to you and say: "When are you going to get married?" This can be one of the most challenging periods of adult adolescence. You go to your first dinner party, and most of your friends -- the ones who used to go out drinking with you a few years ago -- are married and looking at you as the lone, single guy. You're like the Lone Ranger, standing around all by yourself. No one wants to be that old head in the tight leather pants macking on chicks half his age that we all have laughed at in the club. Your own mother and grandmother might gang up on you, and say: "When are you finally going to meet someone and settle down? We need grandchildren." It's almost like the full-court press. Your mom, girlfriend and female friends all probing you with marital and procreation questions of when, why, and how.



How are you going to find that woman with whom to settle down? Do you still frequent all the singles social places you once did to find a woman that wants the white picket fence? Do you surf the aisles of the grocer looking for the hot woman buying milk & eggs or do you ask for a hook up from your newly wed friends? The wife hunt is a scary prospect because what you're really doing is looking for somebody who’ll go to that dinner party with you, so that you no longer have to go to those dinner parties alone.



If you go on a wife hunt in the wrong way, you might accept whomever comes your way; and, ultimately, you are not going to get exactly who you want.  Marriage is a really serious commitment, so you need to be conscientious before you make that step. You need to find someone who shares the same beliefs and interests. You need to find someone who can teach you things and help you grow as a person.

If you are still single and hoping to get hitched but "You just haven't met the right person yet." Would you be interested in attending an event geared toward single men and women who are actively seeking serious relationships? Nothing stuffy, pretentious or intimidating like speed dating but something in a more relaxed and casual environment. I'm hoping to possibly introduce you to someone very special. Wouldn't you like to meet someone amazing, has similar interests, interesting conversation and like minded?



Let me know and stay tuned for the details. Event coming soon to a venue near you ♥

http://www.askmen.com/

The Wife & The Mistress

Last night I watched the movie Choe, an erotic thriller/romantic movie about an escort, Chole, who deceptively entangles her way into the life of a seemingly unhappily married couple. The wife, Catherine, suspects her husband of having an affair because she planned a surprise birthday party for him, which he missed. Catherine being suspicious after finding a "Thanks for last night" text pic on his phone hires Chole to seduce him to gain proof that he is in fact sleeping with other women. Catherine learns about her husbands desires and lustful fantasies through the sensual details of Chloe's tales. She is so intrigued that she becomes sexually aroused by the sexcapade stories and....... I will leave the rest to your imagination.

I wanted to touch on the topic of Escorts, Mistresses and for the lack of a better word "Jump off's." I'm certain every wife, engaged woman or seriously involved female would love for all 'those' types of women to be locked away in a closet with the key thrown far far away but guess what they aren't going anywhere. Why is there a need for an escort or fantasy girl anyway? Glad you asked ☺ It's because some times women get overwhelmed with life that they forget all the 'little things' they used to do to turn their man on. What little things? I'm talking about wearing your hair down and sexy as opposed to the easy pony tail or bun. I'm talking about wearing those sexy heels and flirty dresses as opposed to the easy sweats or run of the mill comfy clothing. I'm talking about spraying on some sensual perfume in all the right places as opposed to going without. These are little things that turn men on. I'm not saying he won't ever ever ever look or be attracted by other women but he damn sure will have something to notice at home.



Some women just have that va va voom, the characteristic of being exceedingly interesting, appealing and sexually exciting and we can't fault men for taking notice of that, after all they are visual creatures. We can, however, take a page from those ladies books and practice the art of 'escorting' as a wife ♥ Why not right? We want to be his temptress, the woman he fantasizes about, the lady his heart desires so why not act the part.

Why do men hire escorts? 

She is guaranteed to look the part, nice dress, pretty face, flattering shape, hair done nails done everything did. 

She will smell delish.

She will be kind, attentive, laugh at his jokes, make him feel like the smartest guy on the planet and stroke his ego.

She will be good in bed. 

She will be agreeable.

and most of all she won't be a problem after the wam bam thank you mam, exchange the business transaction and good night.

Can't you as the wife, exclusive girlfriend or fiance' be all that and more sans the exchange for money lol Well actually, you do get compensated for being 'the one' right?

Check the movie out, it is definitely a chick flick and or couples movie.

Let's Conduct an Experiment

When you first started dating boys did you get any advice from your mother, father or guardian about what 'type' of boys to like? Did she/he perhaps steer you in the direction of the intellectuals, best dressed and well behaved boys or were you just left to your own devices when it came to picking and choosing on the playground?  Chances are if your guardian did not instruct you on the type of males to like and you did not have a male figure in your life to model that dream mate after you devised your own image of the "Ideal Black Man." 

You may have gone through your teens and early twenties dating the thugs and dope boys of your neighborhood because they seemed to display the most bravado, flashy clothes and high priced luxury goods everyone aspires to own. Most likely you would have experienced some type of heart break, cheating, deception and perhaps even some baby momma & daddy drama, if a child was conceived, in that discovery period. 

Now you are good and grown and yet you still find yourself wondering 'Why have I not found the one?" Well my theory is because no one ever sat you down and explained firstly how you should carry yourself and in turn how this would attract the ideal mate. Sure your early youth is supposed to be fun and full of wonder, excitement and exploration BUT if we don't know what to do when we settle into your adulthood we just might be out there fishing without knowing how to hook, line and sink em. Right?

This brings me to the picture above of Amber Rose and Wiz Khalifa. Now I don't know Amber personally but since her dating life is on public display we will use her for example. It is no secret that she comes from a broken home having been a stripper in Philly at the tender age of 15 years old. After landing the coveted role of Kanye West's muse she became a hot commodity on the red carpet and celebrity front news. According to her she was madly in love, but for whatever reason their affair ended and now she is in the lap of another artist. What's wrong with that? Absolutely nada. Why should she go back to the streets of Philly and date an average joe when she is now used to leer jets and trips to Rome? My concern, well not really a concern but for the purpose of this article let's just say, if she is jumping from pole to pole lol hoping to find love without first putting a value on herself as woman, then she will never find it. Having already been deemed a jump off in the industry what is the likelihood of a man putting a ring on it? I'm sure some man would wife her but would she merely be a trophy as opposed to a coveted treasure? 

Now let's play devil's advocate here. What if she is dating strictly celebs because of status and not their own merit. Do you find anything wrong with that? What if she doesn't want to 'settle' for an average joe now that she's had a taste of the Good Life? Sometimes I feel like black women use the word ‘settle’ to describe a level of occupation. No one in their right mind would tell anyone to settle for a guy who has no ambition, who has no plans in life and is always complaining about his job, but not doing anything to land something better. But what’s so bad about dating a man who works as an MTA train conductor, makes 50-70k a year and treats you well?

All I will say is keep your standards (for the most part), but don’t let a good man pass you by if he has a good attitude, ambition, but may not fit your overall criteria.

In the end, it’s really all about finding someone you love, and money/title has never been at the top of the list for love unless you’re a basketball wife, celebrity jump off or a contestant on Ray J or Ochocinco’s show…

Question is there really a difference between how females are bred and molded for marriage in various cultures i.e. black, white, asian, indian, latin american

Monogamy Forever?

So I finished watching the bonus trailer for Loving & Cheating last night and boy o boy. They interviewed a few more relationship advice columnist, sex experts and counselors on the subject of monogamy. One couple had a very bumpy first 5 years of marriage because when she met him he was a male gigolo so naturally he still felt the urge to be with other women. Every 6 months like clockwork he would purposefully pick a fight and bounce on her for 6 months at a time to go live with another woman. Then one day she took herself on a trip to the islands and slept with another man, her husband called and asked if she had been unfaithful, she says YEP sure did and when she came home he brought his happy ass back to their marital home. See sometimes you have to turn the mirror on the person dishing the blows in order for them to feel the real ramifications of their actions. That woman must REALLY love her husband to have put up with him dipping out on her for half the year for the first 5 years of marriage. I don't think I could or would deal with that type of behavior.

The topic of monogamy was brought up to discuss whether or not humans have a natural tendency to be with just one person. Studies have shown that men and some women actually prefer to roam over their life span to explore avenues of intimacy with other people as opposed to simply being with just one. If you are considering marriage and monogamy you really ought to ask yourself if you are really built for it. In this modern day and age we can all have an a la carte marriage meaning you get to pick and choose what type of set up you wish to have, UNLESS you of course are religious and wish to follow its doctrine. Do you think people are naturally inclined for monogamy or do you think we just imprisionate ourselves within the confines of the traditional marriage til death do us part because of traditional, societal and religious laws?

The next item on the agenda was adult sexual education. One sex expert conducted experiments with college students, particularly male, with a model of the female genitalia. She asked the male to point out the clitoris and many could not tell her where it was. She concluded a couple things: 1. There are men out there engaging in sex and do not know where the clitoris is and therefore can not possibly be giving ecstasy and pleasure to their partners. 2. There are women out there engaging in sex and do not know where their clitoris is 3. There are women out there engaging in sex and are too afraid to tell their mate how to please them in order to achieve orgasm. Interesting huh?

Another relationship counselor suggested that we put TOO much emphasis on the idea of orgasm and not enough on the idea of intimacy. The overall goal doesn't have to be to have an orgasm when engaging in intimacy, you can enjoy one another without reaching your peak and be just as satisfied. If you think about it a couple who has been married for 50 years WILL have times of great sex, boring sex, uncomfortable sex, convenient sex, let's just have sex because the kids are asleep and we won't get another chance til the weekend sex etc etc If you tallied up all the times in your marriage that you didn't have an orgasm with your mate and determined you needed a divorce because you weren't sexually satisfied without taking into account all the other great areas of your life no one would be married for over 5 years, especially after children.

Lastly and the most shocking topic was "Bend over Boyfriend!" I immediately busted out laughing as soon as I heard the term. Bend Over Boyfriend (1998), directed by Shar Rednour and produced by Nan Kinney and Fatale Media, Inc., is a couple's guide to male anal pleasure. The sex expert suggested that EVERY man should experience anal penetration at least once before he leaves this earth. WOW really, it must be some kind of orgasm for her to suggest that. I wonder if she's strapped on a dildo and bent her man over before lol I still can't stop shaking my head. She suggested that there are many different types of pleasurable roles in the bedroom and we don't have to operate in the tradition of the man being the penetrater, the aggressor and the initiator and the woman doesn't have to just lay on her back and take it either. Umm ok I agree that we can switch up sexual positions but I do NOT concur with her theory that all men should get anal penetration from their woman at least once in life. Call me closed minded but that would be GAY as the day is long.

In terms of monogamy one of the gay advice columnist suggested that gay life has always been about partying and exploring your desires. They didn't always have the option to settle down, move to the suburbs, get married and have children like heterosexuals did. Now the roles are reversed, heteros are moving into the cities and living their party lives out in their 20s and 30s and waiting later in life to get married, move to the burbs and having children. I do agree that in life you ought to spend some time 'sowing your wild oats' this is not just a period of sexual discovery but also personal journey. I learned so much about myself in my 20s and had I went ahead and gave birth with a husband and juggling a career I might not be the liberated woman I am today.



My two cents: 



Get to know what type of person you are and what kind of relationship you ultimately desire, there is someone out there who wants the same and you don't have to settle.



ASK ASK and ASK again don't just assume that the man you are with wants to be monogamous because you do. I got caught off guard dating a man and thinking I was the only one, that we were exclusive and he was talking to another chick on another coast for that entire time.



Don't let other peoples opinions about what you should be doing deter you from living how you want. You make the rules for your life.

Loving & Cheating

Traditional marriage vows ask couples to "forsake all others." Marrying partners look each other deep in the eye and say "yes." But does monogamy work? LOVING & CHEATING explores the gray areas of commitment and infidelity and with ardor and provocation. We watched this very interesting documentary last night on relationships in terms of monogamy so I turn to you for discussion.



Where do your ideals about relationships stem from? Did they develop as a result of your religious viewpoints, from societal norms or your parental influences? I grew up in a two parent household and attended as well as practiced Catholic religion up until I went to college. My viewpoints on marriage were always very shaky as I never believed it was 'happily ever after' as far as I could observe. Even though I knew that if I did embark on the journey down the aisle it would be until death do us part AND totally monogamous.



I find it very interesting that a couple can practice an open marriage because I see it as just being something you share with one partner; however after viewing this documentary, I now know that many people practice open marriage, polyamory and polygamy for various personal reasons besides sex. Still, how do you overcome the natural tendency of jealousy when it comes to your mate to allow another being to enter into your union? I'm still a bit fuzzy on that one.



At the end of the day, I'm not God and judgment shall not come from me so to each his/her own. The traditional set up of marriage definitely isn't for everyone and we all should be able to do as we see fit for our own 'happily ever after' ending. What do you think?

You can watch the full feature Here on Hulu.com