Fashion Modif

What our Mothers didn't tell US

Ladies are we a generation of mislead women? Well according to the author of "What our Mothers didn't tell us," we are. According to Danielle Crittenden, something is awry in the lives of American women. They are encouraged to embark upon the world seeking fortune and sowing oats, and have achieved goals previous generations of women could only dream of. Yet in the midst of plenty, she says, women today feel more unhappiness, more confusion and more insecurity.

"There are a great many women unhappy because they acted upon the wisdom passed along to them by the people they most trusted," She writes. "These women thought they did everything right, only to have it turn out all wrong. That the wisdom they received was faulty, that it was based on false assumptions, is a hard lesson for anyone to learn. But it is a lesson every woman growing up today will have to learn as I, and thousands upon thousands of women of my generation had to learn, often painfully."

Women today enjoy unprecedented freedom and opportunity. So why, are the articles in women's magazines so relentlessly pessimistic?

Here is a timeline through written publication that may explain why:

Betty Friedan had concluded in 1963 that the women of her generation felt unhappy and stifled.

The modern women's movement in the early 1970s.

In 1973 -- the year of the Supreme Court's Roe v. Wade decision and the Senate's vote to adopt the Equal Rights Amendment to the Constitution.

Male reproductive functions would be replaced by artificial insemination. Husbands and lovers would no longer be needed for economic support or companionship.

These radical notions above were conveyed in the magazines' customary playful manner ("How to Liberate Your Entire Family!"), making them seem deliciously fun, a lark, like indulging in a pair of the season's impractical platform shoes. And they were artfully sandwiched between photo spreads showing gorgeous ways to decorate your new (very own!) apartment, profiles of women who had shunned marriage and motherhood for dazzling careers, and tips for leading a sizzling and adventurous sex life (because men, when they were not being discarded, were to be used as casually as they had once used you).

Now fast foward to 2009 and the magazine articles look like this:

"What Are Your Chances of Staying Married?"

"Invite a man you've just met home for sex!"

"Will He Cheat?"

"The dangers of "date rape"

"Tips" to catch a man's attention-spill a drink on him!"

It's common now for the elders of the women's movement to express disappointment in my generation of women -- the "daughters of the revolution" now our twenties and thirties -- who came of age long after the last feminist brassiere had been burned. As we see it, we are enjoying the spoils of their victories without any gratitude for their struggle. We get up in the morning and go to our jobs as doctors, Executives, accountants, lawyers and even soldiers without devoting a second's thought to the efforts that were spent making these jobs seem completely normal. We deposit our paychecks without having to worry whether we are getting paid less for the job we're doing because of our sex. We enroll in science courses with every expectation of being taken seriously as scientists; we apply for postgraduate degrees with every expectation that we will use them and not let them languish when we become mothers. When we graduate, our first thought is not, Whom will I marry? but, What will I do? And when we do marry, we take for granted that our husbands will treat us as equals, with dreams and ambitions like theirs, and not as creatures uniquely destined to push a vacuum or change a diaper.

Our grandmothers, we are told, took husbands the way we might choose our first apartment. There was a scheduled viewing, a quick turn about the interior, a glance inside the closets, a nervous intake of breath as one read the terms of the lease, and then the signing -- or not. You either felt a man's charms right away or you didn't. If you didn't, you entertained a few more prospects until you found one who better suited you. If you loved him, really loved him, all the better. But you also expected to make compromises: The view may not be great, but it's sunny and spacious (translation: he's not that handsome, but he's sweet-natured and will be a good provider). Whether you accepted or rejected him, however, you didn't dwindle.

But if a woman remains single until her age creeps up past thirty, she may find herself tapping at her watch and staring down the now mysteriously empty tunnel, wondering if there hasn't been a derailment or accident somewhere along the line. When a train does finally pull in, it is filled with misfits and crazy men -- like a New York City subway car after hours: immature, elusive Peter Pans who won't commit themselves to a second cup of coffee, let alone a second date; neurotic bachelors with strange habits; sexual predators who hit on every woman they meet; newly divorced men taking pleasure wherever they can; embittered, scorned men who still feel vengeful toward their last girlfriend; men who are too preoccupied with their careers to think about anyone else from one week to the next; men who are simply too weak, or odd, to have attracted any other woman's interest. The sensible, decent, not-bad-looking men a woman rejected at twenty-four because she wasn't ready to settle down all seem to have gotten off at other stations.

So the single woman is reduced to performing the romantic equivalent of a dance over hot coals: She must pretend that she is totally unaware of the burning rocks beneath her feet and behave in a way that will convince a man that the one thing she really wants is the furthest thing from her mind.

The pull between the desire to love and be loved and the desire to be free is an old, fierce one. If the error our grandmothers made was to have surrendered too much of themselves for others, this was perhaps better than not being prepared to surrender anything at all.

Perturbed Penelope

"Everyone is getting engaged BUT ME!"

Perturbed Penelope writes to the Lipstick Diva: It's definitely that time of year, I used to love the summer time but all of a sudden I'm in my late 20's and all the long-term couples I know are getting engaged. What gives? I mean I'm ready too damnit! I've heard story after story about the oh so romantic proposals. I really am happy for them I am, but it does sting a little I have to admit. One couple is on the younger side (23 and 25) and that stung even more because my boyfriend and I are a few years older than they and have been dating for almost 2 years. I really fel ready for us to take that step or for atleast for him to acknowledge that he is planning on getting me a ring and it's frustrating to hear these stories when it is something that I really want for us too. I've talked to my boyfriend about our future very recently, and we both agreed we do want to get married, and he reassured me that he loves me and it will happen, but when is the question on my mind? I guess for now, I just have to wait it out though. But it doesn't make it any easier on me when I hear about all these these other men getting down on one knee while my guy isn't quite there yet. It feels impossible to ignore! I'm not saying that I'm trying to keep up with those around me but for everything that we've been through in our relationship, our current age and what we've discussed as a future together I can't for the life of me figure out why he hasn't yet initiated going to even look at rings. I mean come on! What gives? Any advice to get my mind off of it and relax? --Perturbed Penelope So what advice would you give Perturbed Penelope for her situation? Is 2 years 2 soon to be speaking of engagement? I don't think so given the details she listed. If she feels ready then who is anyone to say it's too soon? The only deciding factor is if HE is ready? BUT one thing is for sure trying to pressure your man into proposing is NOT the way to go! Alot of people have been pressured and end of in divorce court because they weren't ready. Do men typically drag out the entire engagement, buying the ring process for as long as you will hold your breath or if he was truly ready to take the plunge he would do it before she could blink an eye. What about those couples that meet and are engaged within 6 mths? What's the secret in how quickly they were able to fall in love? Especially for those that did that and have been married for 20 plus years? Overall I think if you have time to wait then wait but if you feel like he will take longer than you are willing to hold on then have that talk with him and cut your losses. Lipstick Diva ;0)

Premarital Counseling

Often I talk about getting to I Do but I haven't yet dissected some of the questions people are asked when going to premarital counseling. We all know with the skyrocketing divorce rates over 50% of marriages end in divorce both contested and uncontested for one reason or another, but I wonder just how many of those people took the time during their courting to discuss ALL the below listed questions that are asked during your counseling session. If you haven't discussed most of them I can see how you both would walk away from a session feeling like you just got divorced even prior to being married based on your partners response. BUT as the ole saying goes, "Its better late than never," to discuss these topics before there are joint bank accounts, a mortgage, children and combined families involved. Take a few minutes to read them over and answer to yourself. Get an idea of what your response might be and then ask yourself if you think your partners response would be in line with your ideas of a future marriage together. This may even be a good exercise for you two to do together. Try it, turn off the reality tv and have a conversation. I have even emailed these same questions to an ex a few years ago and needless to say we never discussed them as he thought it was doing too much lol You may just be in for a surprise too. :0) :0( Relationship • Do you love and trust your fiancé? • How will you make decisions once you are married? • How would you handle/settle an argument? • What do you do if you cannot agree? • Is it hard to say please, thank you and I'm sorry? • When you are ill, how much sympathy and attention do you desire? • How would you handle end-of-life decisions and life insurance? • How will you relate to in-laws, opposite-sex friends, ex-spouse or children from previous relationships after you are married? • Do you believe your fiancé will be faithful? • Can you see yourselves growing old together? • Is your fiancé an honest and truthful person? • How do you show each other affection? • Is your fiancé kind, gentle and understanding of children, co-workers and family? Finances • Who will be the primary financial provider in the family? • Do you support your fiancé’s career? • How will you decide on what major purchases to make? • Who will pay the bills and keep the checkbook? • What is your philosophy of giving to your church or other charitable organizations? • What are your thoughts about the use of credit cards? • If either you or your spouse lost your job, what budget items would you cut? • Will you have joint savings and checking accounts? • Have you created a family budget? • What percentage of your income will go toward home, car, groceries, utilities etc? Home • Where do you want to live and in what setting would you want to live (city, suburb, small town, rural, plains, mountains, desert, coastal, etc.) • What do you expect your marriage and standard of living to be like after five years? • How soon after you are married do you expect to have your home reasonably furnished? • Will you do your own home maintenance? • Who will do the landscaping? Housekeeping • Who will prepare each meal and what types of food will you eat? • How often will you eat out? • Who will do the laundry and ironing? • Who will go purchase groceries? • Who will make sure general automobile maintenance is done? • Who will do general household cleaning and bed making? • Who will wash and dry the dishes? • Do you want a pet in the home? If so, what type? Children and Parenting • What is your attitude towards children? • When will you begin having children and how many? • What would you do if you cannot conceive children of your own? • What is your view on abortion and birth control? • Who will be the primary caregiver of your children? • How will you discipline them? • Who will be the primary disciplinarian? • Will your children do chores? • Will they receive an allowance and how much? • How will you deal with children from a previous marriage? • How will you deal with issues at their school? Social Activities/Church • Do you share the same beliefs? • Will you attend the same house of worship? • What will you teach your children regarding your faith? • What hobbies or recreational activities will you pursue individually, together and how often? • How will your personal friendships (his/her friends) change after marriage? • How do you feel about alcoholic beverages, smoking and guns in your home? • Where will you spend the holidays, birthdays and anniversaries? • Will you both have certain times to spend with your own friends? • Will you be joining any social clubs? Red Flags • Your fiancé seems to be irrationally jealous of friends, family or past relationships. • Your fiancé is prone to extreme emotional outbursts and mood swings. • Your fiancé displays controlling/smothering behavior. • Your fiancé is unable to hold a job. • Your fiancé is unable to resolve conflict. • Your fiancé exhibits dishonesty. • Your fiancé does not treat you with respect. • Your fiancé is overly dependent on others for money. • Your fiancé exhibits patterns of physical, emotional or sexual abuse towards you or others. • Your fiancé displays signs of drug/alcohol abuse Do you agree with the questions being asked of you if you are at the point of engagement? Do you think this is prying too much into your life? How so or how not? Signing off, Lipstick Diva

6 Mistakes Women Make in Bed

Ladies & Gents welcome to Lipstick MANual where I vow to be raw, entertaining and most of all honest about what's on my mind......

First topic at hand, "Mistakes that women make in bed."

Ladies let's all be honest, whenever your sex life becomes a little humdrum whether you are in a monogamous relationship or not you automatically bring out your mental catalogue of all the ways your partner isn’t quite measuring up. Men usually tend to get a bad rap when it comes to understanding women’s bodies and what turns us on, making them easy targets in the blame game when sexual satisfaction starts to wane. Yes, they make their fair share of bedroom errors, BUT as the saying goes, it takes two to tango! As it turns out, top sex and relationship experts say that WOMEN make plenty of sex mistakes of their own. Here’s what they have to say about the six most common mistakes women make in the bedroom and what you can do to get the satisfaction you so rightly deserve.

Sex Mistake #1: Not Initiating Sex With Your Partner

-Most guys feel like they are the initiators when it comes to sex. Correct me if I'm wrong. Why is that? Well most ladies even in 2009 are so overly concerned about exemplifying those lady like qualities that they forget the saying actually says, "Act like a lady in the streets and a FREAK in the bedroom!"

Sex Mistake #2: Worrying About What You Look Like

-Well I am going to have to quote Kat Williams on this one, "REAL men aren't concerned with your stretch marks, it means one of two things, either you was big and you got small or you was small and you got big, eitha way, WE FUCKING!" LOL

Sex Mistake #3: Assuming Sex Is Casual for a Man

-The huge mistake in our American culture is that people assume that women are not sexual and men are not romantic. Never assume anything because as the ole saying goes you make an ASS out of U and ME.

Sex Mistake #4: Believing He’s Always Up for Sex

-I've been a culprit of this before as I assumed like alot of women that men are always up for sex but this couldn't be further from the truth. Sometimes he just want to be held a little just like you. lol

Sex Mistake #5: Not Giving Him Guidance

-I believe this is the reason why there are women walking around with 10+ years of sexual experience and only a handful of mind blowing orgasms under their belt. Tell him that he needs to go a little more to the left. If both people are into pleasing each other then you both can fall back on the bed afterwards staring up at the ceiling with a koolaid smile instead of you scratching your head wondering why he didn't do what you were secretly wishing he had.

Sex Mistake #6: Getting Upset When He Suggests Something New

-Just because you've been doing it that way for years doesn't mean it should stay so. Life is short so be more adventurous! Try it and you just may surprise yourself. BUT no one should ever try to make you do something you are not comfortable with. If your man suggests something that is out of your morals, then explain the reason why you don't want him to do such things to you in a nice tone of voice of course and follow that up with an alternative suggestion.

What are your thoughts on mistakes women make in bed.........