Most people do more pre-planning for their wedding than they do for their marriage, which is why it's not surprising that we have a 50% divorce rate. In preparation for my marriage in the midst of planning for my wedding I am doing some homework at HOME to include reading literature on marriage 101. Today I purchased the ebook, Things I Wish I'd known before We got Married, by Gary D Chapman who happens to be the same author who wrote The 5 Love Languages.
I decided to share a few excerpts and food for thought from my reading today. Enjoy and this information can be used whether you are in the dating stage, engaged stage or already married stage.
"The good news is that communication patterns can be changed and the time to make the change is while you are dating."
"If you observe his mom and dad arguing and you notice that his father eventually walks out of the room and leaves his wife’s last statement hanging in the air, then you can expect that is the way the man you are dating will likely respond to arguments after you get married. Unless, of course, he reads this book and the two of you find a healthier way to resolve your conflicts."
"Also look at the common courtesies that your mom and dad extend to each other. Does her father open the car door for her mother? If so, this is what she will expect of you. Does his father remove his ball cap when he enters the house? If not, that is what you can expect of his son. Do you hear her mother answering for her father before he has the chance to speak? If so, that’s what you can expect of her daughter. Does his father look at his wife when she is talking to him or does he watch television and give her no response? Whatever he does is likely what his son will do. Does her mother continually nag her father about cleaning up the garage or some other task that she wants him to do? If so, you can expect that from her daughter."
"Is his father quiet and reserved or loud and outspoken? Is her mother independent, making her own decisions and seldom conferring with her husband? Does her mother cook meals? Does his father keep the car clean? Is her mother a stay-at-home mom or does she have her own vocation? Does his father own his own business or does he work for a company? Does his father mow the grass or does he hire someone to do it? Does her mother keep scrapbooks and photo albums? Is her mother highly active in church activities? What about his father? The answers to these questions will tell you what you can expect if you marry the person you are now dating. If any of the answers to these questions disturb you, this is the time to discuss them openly. The solution lies either in accepting these traits or negotiating change."
