There may be times in our lives when relationships- whether they are romantic, friendships, or family ties - hit a bump in the road and seem to fade away, leaving us wondering what happened and why? If it's been a long time and it's clear to you that the relationship is over, but there was no final talk or last goodbye, you might be in need of some closure so that you can move on, and put that relationship behind you. In your mind you are thinking if you saw him one last time, wrote one last email, had one last phone call, or sent one last text your heart could be healed and you could finally move on with your life. BUT what if he has already moved on, in a new relationship or better yet married, is it right to still reach out to that old flame in search of closure?
I'm not sure if it is just me but there is definitely something VERY wrong with that. If you are the girl who is still holding on to past loving memories of your ex my advice would be to just get over it. Sure break ups hurt but that is apart of life, shed some tears, watch some chick flicks, over indulge in some ice cream but don't reach out to a man you know is with someone else secretly hoping to tug at his heart with your last ditch effort. If he is truly in love and loyal to his woman you just appear desperate and lame, they might even share a few laughs over your heartfelt 4 page letter.
Now my sentiments are different if you two were meant to be together because the universe would make it so, he would feel the same sentiment about you as you do him and that would bring you together. This may happen more often than not and probably the reason why people still hold on to their connection with their ex's just in case the tables turn and they can rekindle their long lost love affair but this is life not a fairy tale. Chances are if you broke up, you did so for a reason. Your relationship lasted for a season and was purposeful in helping you to be the person you are today but there is no sense in reliving something of the past just because you're heartbroken and single. The likelihood of it all is that he has moved on and you should too. ♥ Begin a new chapter, you deserve to be happy ☺
If you still feel you need closure, you can still do so without ever contacting that old flame and here is how:
1. Write that 4 page letter and include all the things you wanted to say but never could, read it over and over, take a deep breath and then tear it up. The discarding of the letter will release the pressure and set you free.
2. Forgive yourself especially for the 'faults' or mistakes you made in the relationship that may have caused it to end, learn from them and do not repeat.
3. Have a symbolic ceremony. Get rid of all the little keepsakes you've been holding onto in a little box under your bed, they are only keeping that lurking feeling of sadness around.
4. Have a pity party all by your lonesome. Shed a tear, burn a candle, sigh and grieve. These are all very normal and will help you get over a loss.
5. Define your loose ends. What is it that lingers in you that prevents you from moving on? What residual emotions are still tying you to this person? Usually it's some form of anger - anger over what a person did to you, and you don't feel they were held accountable to it, or guilt over what you did (or didn't do) to (or for) someone else, and your resulting sense of regret. Defining these will bring clarity and allow you to move on with a clear mind.
