The entire net is all in an uprise talking about the Basketball Wives show. Now while I admit I do not watch nor follow this show, for various reasons, I did peek at a few YT video 'reviews' on the finale and was quite entertained. One of my FB friends, Tanisha, wrote an interesting blog post on lessons learned after watching this show as follows:
1. Basketball wives see babies as supplemental income OPENLY
2. Surround yourself with what you wish to attain out of life
3. Real grown women don't run in cliques!
To read the entire article find it on her blog at http://tanisharankins.wordpress.com/.
Now by the title I wanted to touch on numero tres. Yes I agree real grown women don't run in cliques. Back in the days when I was young, carefree and needed to be out on the town you could find me hanging out at Compound, Visions, Velvet Room, TGI Friday's, Justin's, Dave n Busters with my 'clique' Erin, Erika, Taylor and Tania. During this time I did have a serious relationship but I managed to spend a lot of time with my girlfriends. We would go over to each other's houses, make smoothies, watch movies, vent and rant about our 'boy' problems and just have fun. Girlfriends are definitely a must have in this thing we call life. You ain't really living unless you have people around you that you can call your friend.
However, now that I am the tender age of 30 I tend to spend more time by myself and with my fiance' than with friends. I spend hours upon hours reading and researching ways to better myself, my life and building my brand. I look up topics ranging from relationships, sex, ovulation calendars, european vacation tours, fashion must haves, french translation, psychological discussions etc You name it and I am interested chances are I will spend time doing the research to learn more about it. This is what I like spending my time doing and I thoroughly enjoy it. I do enjoy having my friends around and in fact one of my resolutions this year was to spend more time with them; however I have decided to do one on one friendship dates opposed to groups, it just works out better for me that way and I can get to know my friend on a more personal level. I will still continue to invite all the girls to hike because it's certainly more merry with more gals.
I am just not one for cliques and I make no qualms about it. We are all very diverse individuals and not every woman will see eye to eye on every single thing so I just choose to hang out with those that I actually like and love as opposed to everyone just because. To me there is a time and place for everything and everyone and associates don't belong at each and every event in your life.
I find it interesting that on the Basketball Wives show these women with husbands, children, lives to lead and businesses to run have SO much free time to entertain drama with women that they don't even like. What gives?
I read this excerpt on Black Girls are Easy and it resonated with me:
Here is a female’s relationship with another female who she calls “Friend”àcool àdrama à cool again à more drama à cool again. REPEAT. A man’s relationship with his boys will stay at cool his entire life. If a man does something to piss his homie off, they deal with it. If he steps out of line big time— that nigga is DONE. A guy will say “I don’t fuck with him”. And it’s over, no more talking. I’m in the midst of sending out wedding invitations and some dudes aren’t going to get invited because some of my groom’s men feel they have been violated in a major way by certain dudes. Even though I’m cool with those other guys, I got to ride with the nigga I’m closest to—that's the Man Code. A female will say “I don’t fuck with her”, and then two weeks later they’re at the club shaking their ass together. So why bullshit? Why pretend that there is this underground sister hood? It's time to set some real rules...
This is SO true and not far fetched at all. How many times have you had someone in your cypher, your circle or your clique that you just didn't care too much for but you didn't feel like exerting the effort of severing the relationship so you still hung out with her? How many times did you become associates with someone by way of an actual friend and you don't quite care for her but every time you see your real friend the other girl is always around. How many times have you used the term 'friend' when referencing someone you really don't like or can't stand for that matter?
Why is it that women tend to hold onto toxic relationships and men are more likely to nix the guy if he does him dirty? It's always simple to say if you just don't like her don't be friends with her right? Well yes in all actuality but for some reason it isn't that straight forward.
I have spotted a few more fakes since the beginning of the year and they will be getting axed shortly. I can't just talk about cleansing your aura and then not implement these same practices in my own life when need be.
Fake Friends will only be available at their convenience, don't return your phone calls and always want to be the center of your conversations, never having the decency to let you get a word in edgewise.
Fake Friends will hit on your man, stare him down and make no secret about the fact that she finds him attractive.
Fake Friends will think its amusing when something tragic happens to you.
For example a car accident, a job lay off or a loss of a valuable. You tell her something awful happened to you and she will smirk on the sly like 'For real girl, dang' really thinking 'Ha Ha that ish is good for you!'
Fake Friends will have a look of despise instead of admiration on their face whenever you share joys of good news and progress in your life. They can't be happy for your progress because they haven't made any leeway in their own lives.
This correlates to my theory as to why 'some' women are single when they aspire not to be. I think it's because you spend all of your free time with your girlfriends. Now let me repeat there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with hanging out with your bestie (s) but chances are a man is not going to waltz up to you and ask you for a moment of your time to sweep you off your feet if you are always boo'd up with your gal pals. Girlfriends who have your back are a great asset to have in life but as cool as you both are she isn't going to marry you.
Why do you think it is harder for women to separate themselves from the pack than men? Is it because of our feminine make up of always wanting to nurture and mend things when they are emotionally broken? Inquiring minds want to know '0)
