Does going to the strip club count as cheating?
Does communicating with your ex unbeknownst to your spouse count?
Does watching porn count as cheating?
The viral age of the internet and social media networking websites has made the lines a bit blurry when it comes to opinions of what constitutes as cheating and this may be giving women even more reasons to worry, as if they didn't have enough before.
Here in Atlanta the ratio of men to women is like 1:20 or something ridiculous like that. This doesn't make it very easy to be in a relationship, especially with an attractive and desirable man and all the ooglying fem eyes around. It makes it that much harder if the man you are with has a history of cheating, even if only once. Many women will say "If my man ever cheated that would be THE end!" but what if you really put yourself in her shoes? What if this woman is married with children and deeply in love, could you forgive his single act of indiscretion? What if the woman thought they were completely blissful only to find a condom in her partners pocket and it only happened one time? What if the woman found pictorial proof of another female in her man's apartment scantily clad in his boxers but was somehow able to explain it away, would you stay if that were you? How well you value your relationship and how these acts affect your level of trust would determine if you could actually stick through it.
After indulging in these behaviors, sometimes guys tend to compartmentalize and deny their ramifications. Their minds have a way to compartmentalize those unacceptable behaviors, and push them away. For example, your dating a recent divorcee everything is going great, you are in a monogamous relationship and then find out that he had secret meeting with his ex wife with condom in hand hoping for some action. The man could easily state that nothing ever happened and sweep it under the rug as no big deal because in actuality the condom pack wasn't broken but it is the intention and planned deceit of your partner that delivers the most lethal and heartbreaking blow. We as people use denial as a way to stave off the reality of the effects that it might be having on our life, our relationship or on our significant other.
The hurt, distrust and confusion that cheating, or cheating-like behaviors, cause wives and girlfriends is underestimated by a lot of men. Men don’t think about those effects on their women, and have a hard time developing true empathy for what their wives or girlfriends must be going through. Even if they've forgiven the act of indiscretion is it truly ever forgotten? “How would you feel if your wife did the exact same thing to you?” Behaviors are different from thoughts, and while normal sexual fantasy is left to the minds pleasure, acting on those can cause your relationship a lot of damage. The behaviors are different from the impulses, and this is an important thing to think about when looking at cheating. Sure you see beautiful women all day long and can catch a glimpse of a nice ass or great set of legs but openly accepting another person's flirtation is disrespectful to your partner, especially because YOU know you're committed even when they don't.
As studies have shown, sex is a major factor in cheating and infidelity, but that's not the only thing that drives men to find another set of panties. It is often just the tip of the iceberg and there is always a crack in the foundation of the relationship leading to this act of deceit. It is very important that the couple communicates their feelings with one another on every level so that if there is something lacking it can be addressed.
What happens if the act of indiscretion has already occurred, you've found the lipstick on the collar, the condom in the pocket or the lingerie receipt on the dresser but you've decided to work it out. Maybe your guy is very charismatic and convinced you to stay with his endearing words or perhaps you've cheated yourself in the past with someone else and are seeing it as karma. Whatever the reason "How do you truly forgive and forget" to move on?
I can tell you from personal experience that forgiving a cheater and trying to forget is a HUGE feat. You'd think as time passes and the trust is re-earned things will go back to normal but the truth is it never really does. You can consciously give them the benefit of the doubt with a proven track record of being trustworthy for days on end but somehow certain instances will make the thoughts of distrust reappear. In the end, if the relationship is valuable enough to savor and rebuild you can always reassure one another with loads of communication. Going to couple's counseling might also help to avoid arguments, especially in instances of marriage, around the distrust or unwavering thoughts of wonder.
When an instance of cheating has occurred it can reek havoc on a relationship. The trust is broken, tears are shed and in some instances the results can be life changing such as exposure to disease, the birth of a child out of wedlock and sheer embarrassment from other's finding out. It is important for the cheater to take full onus of his or her wrong doings and sincerely apologize for their act.
For instance, don't say "I just got a little head, it was no big deal! or "She was my ex wife so you should understand! or "It was just sex, I don't love her like I love you?" or "I'm only talking to her online, I never see her in person!"
Instead fully take the blame AND the shame that comes with the territory. Then and only then can the mending and healing truly begin. If the cheater blames their partner somehow for their act of distrust chances are they are not sorry for breaking a vow to be loyal, even if you are just dating loyalty is to be honored. Likewise if the person cheated on can not truly and fully forgive their mates indiscretion then chances are there will be no peace or trust from that point onward. In conclusion, if you don't consider the relationship worthy of resolution then end the affair and keep it moving, keeping in mind that not every man cheats. ;0)
